and when I told a friend I was sad, she drew me a pretty picture to cheer me up, it worked well :)

Hey.

*Edit* I love some of you.

*Edit* Sometimes I think I am crazy.

Moms stressing, taking it out on all of everyone around her. My dad left, he is out in Sarnia(One hour away) and I am thinking about joinning him. Like last night, i went out drinking, with sister, her bf, and a bunch of other friends, and I got called at 1 am, and was called an irresponcible retard. why??? cause i decided i was staying the night at joel's house, instead of driving home.

My sister, the one getting married, is surprizingly not stressed. i actually went out drinking last night with her. She is looking forward to the wedding cause of the party that is going to go on after the wedding.

This sucks, waiting for saturday, then this shit will be over and done with.

Till my sister is married.

Looking forward to it. she has been with her high school sweetheart for almost 10 years. At the beginning of 2008 he proposed to her, and ever since then they have been slowly putting things together for the wedding.

one week from now, I will have an official brother in law.

Also, my sweetheart Renae and I made a flash, everyone go watch, review, do w/e.

Thanks Renae <3

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/
508240

Mainly Because it was a great get away from being at home, when I was living there.

This short ammount of time I have been back at home made me realize Why I wanted to work so much. Simply to get away. I have been at home 3 days now, not working, just here, and already considering about moving the fuck out of here. this is simply because I Hate being here, due to my mother.

Problems with her have gone back as far as I can remember. I remember being 13, and telling people I hate her with a passion, that I was ashamed of even being considered as the same family. She was never physically abusive by any means, but just her personality, the way she deals with things, the way she treats me, as well as the rest of the family, was more then enough to make not just me, but the rest of the family despise her as well.

I Never had much of a childhood. when I was young, my grandma, or my moms mom was dying. My dad was always working, so the family would have a chance, cause my mom didn't work, and spent 98% of her time, away from her family, just sitting with her mom. I cannot blame her for this, but it sucked because while she was out, it left me, my sister, looking after the whole house. I learned how to do laundry, cook, clean, feed and look after pets, train the house dog at the time, etc etc. it was a great learning experience, but i was so depressed at the time cause I could never have sleep overs, i couldn't have friends over, I couldn't hang out with anyone cause as soon as I got home, me and my sister had to make sure everything was running smoothly. I couldn't even watch sturday morning cartoons because I had to make sure everything inside my house was perfect. If it wasn't perfect, my mom would come home and ground us for being messy.

After grandma died, She tried, and still is trying to force herself into my life. That right there is causing the most problems between me and her. It feels like having someone you never met before assuming the spot of your best friend, but yet if they know anything about you, your in trouble. it has even come to the point where I can't even feel safe posting things online. A prime example is shit with facebook.

when I wasn't living at home, she made a Facebook account, added me, and went threw all my history. I got a phone call that night at around 2 am, her screamming at me about things I did 3 years ago. I immediately blocked that account, just to advoid future drama.

three weeks later, i get another account adding me. this one was labelled as "Mark Malouin". that is my dad. I am a hell of a lot closer to my dad, then to my mom, even though we have had our problems. 3 weeks of what it seems me talking back and forth with my dad, all went to nothing. when I called my dad, and he didn't know what facebook was. Immediately blocked that account.

Today, I was woken up, after a good 1.5 hours sleep, because my mom didn't like that 2 and a half months ago, I went out to St. Thomas to visit an old friend that I haven't seen for close to 2 years. She kicked in my door, which I had locked, woke me up, and carried on for closer to an hour and a half. I now have to replace my door, and get my dad to fix the door frame.

My dad sees what is going on with her, We all know it. He tries to keep himself busy, by working almost as much as I did, and when he did spend time at home he was always in a separate room, floor, when he was in the house, or he always went out into his shop, and stayed there for as long as possible. this is because he doesn't want to deal with her shit.

Right now I feel back in that same position i was when I was young. I feel stuck. All I want is this shit to end.

Dear Mr. Jamie Malouin

We Really appreciate all the work you have done for our company. Each day we see you come in, try your hardest to better yourself. You have been a valid Resource for us, and helped us expand as a company.

It is unfortunate to tell you that we cannot extend your contract, and as of August 8, 2009, you will be placed on temporary layoff, until further notice.

Thank you for all the time and effort you put into our company,

Rob.

HI HI HI HI HI

that is all.

last couple of days ever since I took some shit out of my life, I haven't felt like myself. I haven't been happy with anything I have done, and I don't like anything that I am currently doing in life. I don't like how I feel, but right now, thats just how it is.

I think it may be the toxic BS leaving my system, But I have no idea. I sold everything i had left, to make sure that I didn't have anything to fall back on, and it has only been a couple of days. I only did that shit cause I was never really happy with myself, and now that I am off it, I feel as bad as I did back before and of this shit ever happened.

MAJOR EDIT

Having some time to myself, I have had lots to think about. I feel like shit, and I know why. I haven't really gotten over Christie. She was my best friend, we grew up together, did everything together, and when she died, that is when I started doing everything I shouldn't. I did it cause I didn't feel a thing. there was no remorse, no sorrow, and most importantly, no guilt. I wasn't feeling sad, so I could be happy again. Now that I am clean, I feel like shit cause all those things I blocked out, never left me. I feel so responsible for what happened to her, and yet I can't do anything about it. I even wrote a shit story that I left so much out because it killed me to write it. Its no where close to being finished, but I submitted it through simply because it killed me to continue the story. Its all guilt. and this guilt is causing me to go crazy.

EDIT AGAIN!

Kay, the story on what happened.

I have been best friends with a girl named Christie. we grew up together, did everything together. the only reason why we never ended up dating or anything like that cause early on she was un sure about being a lesbian, and as she got into her teens, she had no attraction for guys, but only women.

she had a gf for close to 5 years, as soon as she was sure she was a lesbian, she met Nicole, and they had been together ever since that point.

The night of her death, we were setting up to celebrate Christies birthday. it was only a small party, with a few close friends, and her family. the party was suppose to begin at 8:30, cause she worked till 8, and gave her 10 minutes to get home, and 20 minutes to shower, get changed, etc etc.

shortly after 8: she called nicole, to say I am leaving now, i will be there soon. during the convo Nicoles cell died. Normally she would be home by 8:10-8:15, but she wasn't. Nicole got me to sent her a text asking where she was. she never wrote back. I tried calling, but she never picked up. we wanted her home cause we had spent weeks planning this to be perfect.

8:30 rolled around, and still nothing. no contact to or from her. her parents were flipping out, calling everyone who knew her, asking to see if they had seen her. Nicole was staying with me, although she never said anything, you could tell she was worried. I was kinda worried, but I thought it was just everyone freaking out around me that was causing me to be worried.

9:00 rolled around, her parents were going to call the police, but I convinced them no too. I told them that she wouldn't miss her own birthday. They were really worried cause it wasn't like Christie to not show up and not call. She always was easily contacted cause she loved to talk.

Around 9:10ish the phone rang, and it was the police saying "we found your daughters car wrecked and in the ditch, she was rushed St. Joesph hospital" I got to see the car afterwords, and it was just totaled. windshield was shattered, Driver door was cut off so they could get to her, it was just totaled.

fuck, I don't know anymore, here is a random pic simply because this blog needs some lulz

You make all this money, with nothing to spend it on :(

`*~>Fixed grammar, and spelling, let me know if you spot something<~*'

I have never really told this story, but i figured, what the hell, why not. It is completely true, minus some name changing. It may actually make me feel better if I do, so here it goes. This story is about me, and....well just read.

======================================

Sophie was a very beautiful girl. She had long, dark, curly hair, Bright blue eyes, and incredible smile. She was a very outgoing person, who never judged. She had her best friend Jason, and the love of her life, a girl named Sarah. She had tons of friends in school, as she was very popular.

Jason was Sophie's best friend. He would do anything for her, as she would do anything for him. He has short blond hair, and blue eyes. He always tried his best to keep out of trouble, but it always seemed to catch up to him. This was ok with him because he always had Sophie to help him out when he needed it.

Each day, Sophie would wake up, pick up Sarah, and drive to school. They would meet Jason in the same hallway, talk for a little, and all go to class. After school, Jason and Sarah, would all go to Sarah's house, as Sophie worked.

Sarah was everything Sophie loved. She had short blond hair, Dark eyes, and was very playful. They had been together forever. They would always text each other during school, and call each other late at night, when they were not together.

Sophie's birthday was coming up, so each night that she had to work, Jason and Sarah would get together and plan her party out. They would talk about decorations, who to invite, presents to get, and where to hold it. She was turning 18, and wanted just a small party of close friends and family.

The time came. School was done, and Sophie was at work, like usual. Jason met up with Sarah, and together they began setting up for the party. Sarah started with the decorations, as Jason called everyone who was coming. The decorations were done, so Jason and Sarah decided to get their presents ready. Sarah got her a gold necklace, which was engraved "Together, Forever". Jason had gotten her a golden bracelet.

It was 8 pm, and Sophie was just finished work. She called Sarah, said she was going home, and she couldn't wait to see her. Her family, and a few friends were altogether, waiting for her to show up. They were all getting impatient, saying "where is she" or "what's taking her so long?". Sarah didn't worry because Sophie was usually a bit late.

A couple minutes later, Jason sent Sophie a text message.

"Hey, where are you? We are all waiting for you"

There was no response. This worried Jason, because Sophie was always quick to respond.

A few minutes later, the phone rang, Sophie's mom picked up. Her facial expression changed, she became very worried. After the phone was put down, she bursts into tears.

"Sophie is in the hospital" She screamed "They found her car in the ditch"

As soon as that message got out, Sarah bursts into tears. Sophie's parents instantly left, and headed to the hospital. Jason and Sarah went with them.

They got there, and rushed into the hospital. They ran to the nurse at the front desk.

"WHERE IS SOPHIE?!?!" her mom screamed "I am Judy Rose, Sophie's mom, I want to see my daughter!"

The nurse had a worried look on her face "follow me" she said, in a low voice.

They go to her room. She was hooked up to several machines. Tubes and wires were coming and going in all directions, all over her body. Every second one of the machines would beep, as it showed her heart beating.

Sarah couldn't stop crying. She sat there, and just watched as the love of her life was relying on machines to keep her alive. Jason could only watch, he was silence, scared to say a word. Sophie's mom was sobbing, hugging Sarah.

Sophie's dad was outside, he couldn't ever see his daughter like that. She was daddies little girl, and he loved her so much. He would put down his life for her, and to see her in a state where she was helpless, and he couldn't do anything to help, tore him apart.

At this time, a doctor walked in.

"Hi, my name is Dr. Kevin Stevenson, I would like to talk to you privately."

He closed the door to the room.

"I would like to talk to you about Sophie. She was in a horrible accident. We put her into a medically induced coma, so she would no longer feel her pain. We did the best we could, but she will not make it through the night. If you are catholic, we can provide a priest to give the last rites. If not, you now have time to say your good-byes."

At this time, the doctor left.

Her dad collapsed as he broke down into tears. He was losing the one person who he truly loved, and it killed him that there was nothing he could do. Sarah, and Sophie's mom were already in tears, as Jason was trying to hold it together. As much as he tried, he just couldn't do it. He broke down, as he was watching his best friend slip away from him. No matter what he did, she was leaving him tonight, and he couldn't stop it. He had known her since he was Three years old, and they did everything together. All those thoughts, all those happy times, all those emotions, were all going through his head, and he couldn't take it. He left the room, unable to look at her, and unable to handle the situation. He always was comforted by Sophie, and this time she was not going to be there.

Together they waited, watched, and mourned, as soon they all loved dearly, left them. Every one of them saying their good-byes.

"Good-bye Hun, you know I will always love you, and that will never change. You know each one of us loves you, and would do anything to change what has happened. Even though you haven't left us yet, we all miss you already" Sarah told her "Here, I want you to have this. This way you will know that I love you, that I loved you, and that I will always love you"

Sarah pulled out her necklace, and wrapped it around Sophie's neck.

"It says together forever, and when you are up there, I want you to look out for me, and everyone else who loves you"

Sophie passed shortly after this. Leaving them all, but finally at rest. Her body laid there, at peace.